Why you don’t put Miss Adventure in charge.

This all went down on Facebook. Work with me here. A day in the life, wherein The Mommy has to take Thing 1 to different things so I get to deal with Thing 2 and Thing 3. About ten hours, give or take.

Me: The kitten is being bullied by the bunny, the 3 year old wants to eat me because I’m not psychic and I want to eat HIM because those aren’t real WORDS just Dadaist nonsense spoken in a whine and sweet baby buddha is it preschool time yet?! I have also been awake since approximately 5am. This may factor into a lot of the irritation. And the purrbox has transplanted to my lap and is mad and whiny that my hands are typing and not petting.
The Mommy: popcorn?
Me: No, Mr. Popcorn is at school and only tried to give me crap once this morning.
The Mommy: once? improvement! score!
Me: Very much improvement and it was only “*ducks into shower for two minutes* I took a shower already!” “You did NOT, get your wet butt back in there.” And he did.
The Mommy: you know he is afraid of you, right? he says you are grumpy and dangerous
Me: Compare that to Thing 3 who decided to kick off his diaper once he’d freed one leg. What shall I do with the anointed bathmat? 😛
All of Column A, I’m not sure how I qualify for Column B, lol.
The Mommy: who anointed it? kid or kitten?
Me: Kid. Like I said, we had Diaper Rockettes at 7am.
The Mommy: *facepalm*
Me: Your kids are very much your kids, lol. Thing 3 is in my room now happily pointing at both the kitten and my cat and trying to pet them.
WE HAVE ACHIEVED REAL WORDS! IT ONLY TOOK TEN MINUTES! God, I’m awesome.
The Mommy: Oh wow. 20 minutes till preschool. you can do this. :p
Me: Someone has just learnt of the existence of ponies. {Editor’s note: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.} And he can already do the beginning of the theme song. You’ve got another brony in the household.
The Mommy: oh no you didn’t
oh my god
Me: This is what happens when I’m left alone at 6:30am to herd your boys around. 😛 I didn’t poke your DVR for it, IT WAS JUST ON 😛

And later…

Me: 3 year old napped for 15min then I had to wake him to come get the 5 year old. I deserve diamonds for lugging that heavy sack of wailing wet flour out the door and into my backseat!
The Pet Housewife likes this.

Me: We are playing how to buckle your seatbelt while we wait. Thing 3 is pooping ferociously, and has cheerfully admitted such. Oh my life.
The Mommy: Oh dear lord
Me: Diamonds, madam. DIAMONDS.

Me: Everyone home safely in one piece, although when Thing 3 began faux-snoring to amuse himself in the car, we both about split ourselves giggling.
The Mommy likes this.

Me: Making zerbert noises while pointing as he sneak-crawls past your doorway seeing how long it takes for you to notice him? Insta-giggling toddler.

Me: Cars and trains are parasailing down our stairs while I’m begged to come see the carnage. Is it just me or does Thing 3 watch too much Top Gear?
College Buddy: Li’l Stig costume for next Halloween?
Me: OMG

Me: THE FATHER FIGURE HAS COME HOME. NONE OF THEM EXIST TO ME FOR THE NEXT FEW HOURS *hides under blankie*

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